MURMAIDER - an Angry Fish

Dealing with the Socialist Threat in America

IT’S UNDER OUR NOSES!!

Consistently in the American Media, most forcefully in bumper stickers, and constantly in conversation, are we dealing with the now aged threat of SOCIALISM! Since we first started fighting the commies, taking up the argued fight of Adolf Hitler and his poorly calculated war with Soviet Russia, we have invariably vilified the threat. Socialism, the idea that the government is a social institution and must make our lives unfairly easier, cheating us in some way, is certainly a terrible threat. It threatens our greatest freedoms and not one day goes by that we must pray to G-d himself to protect us from an invasion of socialists in our government, our military, our country, our neighborhoods and our homes.
I have sad news for the lot of you. Socialism has INVADED our country. We see them driving around every day. They are especially easy to spot with their flashing lights and deliberately intrusive horns. These menaces go screaming around our streets, blocking traffic and coming into our homes to give life saving medical treatment, fire-fighting, and burglar arresting. Some of these socialists have even found ways to subvert our education system and provide free SOCIALIZED EDUCATION to our children. I’m not going to mention what they’re trying to do to our healthcare system, but I cannot in good conscience avoid telling you about what the SOCIALIST MENACE has done to our STANDING MILITARY much longer.
The answer to fighting this deadly, infectious threat of socialism is to embrace two policies to their extreme, CAPITALISM  and MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION. To our capitalist ends, we need to start selling everything. The insurance industry should expand to cover every need we cannot meet ourselves. Fire-fighting, security, ambulance services, education should all become capitalist institutions. The children of rich, hardworking parents certainly should not be consorting with the children of poor, lazy parents, and that’s a fact to life, all poor people are inherently lazy and anything far more logical that explains their state of destitution is just an excuse. If someone cannot afford to pay a fire fighting insurance company to put out the fire on their house, they have no business owning a home in the first place. Likewise, if you cannot afford a high priced security company, or better yet a bodyguard or bodyguards, you deserve to be shot for being a lazy, poor person.
On the note of selling everything, we should end the restriction of the sale of drugs completely. If someone is bad enough of a parent to wind up with a crack addicted seven year old then they deserve to have to deal with a crack addicted seven year old. Anyone and everyone should have the freedom to put whatever they want into their bodies, provided they pay a hefty fee for it. They’re paying for their own medical expenses and ambulance rides now, so the rest of us HARD WORKING AMERICANS aren’t paying for it. If they want to pay to die, let them. That’s capitalism at its finest. The weak die and the strong profit.
To the end of mutually assured destruction, we need to put our nuclear armament to a more effective use. As it stands now, even with a full nuclear exchange the whole world over, there would still be some survivors and with numbers, most likely in commie China or filthy, heathen Africa. The United States has the capacity to take a proportion of its nuclear weapons and bury it deep into the Earth’s crust, so that in the event of a nuclear threat, we could simply end the planet and turn our cozy little rock into a b-e-a-utiful new asteroid belt. The creative explosion would be a perfect testament to humanity and G-d’s ever-apparent will.
Once we have the ability to blow this whole planet into tiny pieces, we can finally dismantle that socialist standing military we’ve managed to accumulate. The idea that we would pay taxes to our government to have professional soldiers on hand at all times is nothing but socialism and a restriction to our freedom to form militias to protect ourselves. We cannot let our government come between us and our enemies; to do so would be a GRAVE THREAT to our holy second amendment right.
Socialism is insidious and infectious; I personally almost fell prey to the idea that with the money saved we could provide free housing, food, clothing, safety, and medical care to everyone in the country and expand to nearby countries, fostering a freedom to universally adopt a philosophy of personal moral, spiritual and cognitive self-betterment ,the way that any well-meaning G-d would naturally intend. Such an idea is nothing short of evil and I wish someone would lock me away or at the very least blacklist me from print, ending my young career just because these ideas are so DESTRUCTIVE to the American way.